Can’t…sleep

My clock ticks, my mom sleeps.

I don’t.

My dog whimpers as she chases squirrels in her dreams.

I can’t dream.

My friends go to school feeling brand new, ready for the world.

I feel dead tired, not the least bit prepared for what is outside my door.

As some go to bed, with happy thoughts, wishful thinking and peace.

I lay in bed, uncomfortable under the covers, in my clothes. Thinking about the stress, the doubts the fears, the uneasiness i’ve had to get accustomed to.

As some have all their friends and family, only losing some to sickness or old age.

I have a somewhat broken family, and i lost a best friend to gun violence. He was too young.

I had this problem in the summer too. not being able to sleep until 5 or 6 in the morning. but now,

now its just frickin ridiculous. How is this possible?

Going back to the nauseous feeling, of a restless night. A tired mind, a weak body.

I’m 17 damn it! i’m too young for this crap. Insomnia…can this b it?

Well, i eventually fall asleep, but thats at like 5 in the morning and the thing that sucks about that is that i’m going to school.

I got a schedule to stick to and im failing at that. I can’t fail. I can’t sleep though.

Can’t, Can’t CAN’T!

I hate that word, but that’s the only word to describe this restlessness. Can’t sleep, Can’t stop thinking, Can’t relax, can’t stop feeling sad. Can’t do it.

I stay awake, i hear the birds, i hear the traffic get heavier, i see the sky clear. Shit.

I can’t sleep, i can’t stand the nausea of staying up, or the low bio rhythms. No energy.

And no matter how hard i try, I CAN’T FUCKING SLEEP.

sigh*…..can u see how frusturated im getting 😕 this is so ugh. stressful.

Have u ever suffered a restless night? If u’ve only had it once or twice, imagine having it every night. Imagine knowing that you going to bed, is just failure all in itself. Because u know very well, all your gonna do is lie in that bed, stare at different spots in your room every 5 minutes. As if someone put something there during the day to keep you interested. And see, what i hate about that crap is…staring into the dark.

I always end up seeing things come out of the dark, or i imagine the worst so i close my eyes but not sleep. Because..i’m scared? No. i’m terrified? ha…maybe. Or maybe bcuz i try to prove myself wrong, that i wait for the room to light up. Shit. i was laying in my bed, for almost 45 mins . Not sleeping, but mentally pacing.

UGH…is this insomnia? is this chronic insomnia? or acute insomnia?

or what do u call it when its just borderline? but the way it happens to me…hey man, if thats borderline, i feel really bad for those that can’t sleep at all.

I am soo sorry buddy, i feel for u.

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