Random Venting for Today…

I lost my job last Monday. Yup! Got laid off. This time around it wasn’t so bad though, nothing like the last time. I think what made last time worse was those fucken bitches I was working with. To this day I’m convinced they knew I was going to be let go before I did. So now I’m faced with the dilemma of not having a source of income to feed, clothe and shelter my kids…and myself of course. I am faced with the possibility of perhaps having to move back in with my mom…I know, I know. I needed a moment there. So here I am! 20-fucken-7 years old, jobless, no education I can be proud of, an outdated resume AND not to mention all the fucken problems I have with the S.O! I have cheques bouncing, bills piling up and red tape all around me and feel like just slicing my goddamn wrists to make it stop. I won’t actually do it so relax yourself. I love my kids too much.

When I got laid off I didn’t even react to it. I smiled at them and said “I understand. These things happen. Thank you for the opportunity.” I left the meeting room I was pulled into cool as a cucumber and even stuck around to make sure I got things in order for everyone else so that they could keep going from where I left off smoothly. I stuck around to let them take me to lunch and had a plate of nachos with my co-workers who were seeing me off. The whole time I was completely detached from the whole thing. I didn’t give a shit. All I could think about was Him and my problems with Him and how things could get better or worse with Him. That’s fucked up right?

So now that a week has passed and I feel like I’ve gotten yet another slap in the face with The Situation (this is how we’ll refer to my ongoing problems with the S.O.), well I feel like I got kicked while I was down. I’ve been toying with the idea of going back to school and I’m excited about it but the excitement even though it’s there just gets obscured by a bunch of other bullshit. I really tried to stay positive about everything…it worked for the first couple of days, now I’m just pissed at the world and all this fuckery. I’m aware things can be worse but when you see no ends to a bad situation it can be very disconcerting. I have an information session to go to next week to see how plausible my plans to go back to school are. I’m on a very tight timeline to actually be able to register somewhere for September.

It’s already hard being a parent. Its even worse being a broke and broken one. This really sucks 😦

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