The Official Way To Judge A Woman’s Sexual Performance

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GentlemenAlex Matlock• Aug 16, 10:15am

If you’ve ever heard women talking, you’ll know they talk about sex just as much as we do. And, similar to how we complain, they do also. Most of us dudes make it our missions to please women to the fullest, but you’ve probably noticed that most women haven’t got the slightest interest in pleasing us. Many of them think that if they just get naked, we’ll have a great time, and they just leave it up to us to bring home the bacon (erm…orgasm).

I initially wanted to write a different article this week, one that proved why a woman’s looks have a direct impact on her sexual performance; however, in order to write about that topic, I had to come up with a way to dictate what is and isn’t a good sexual experience.

Similar to how we grade women based on looks (on a scale from 1 to 10), I think it’s only natural that we should grade the sex we have with them, as well. Judging a sexual encounter is important because it will allow you to KNOW what you want from a sexual partner.

Over the years, I’ve had my fair share of sexual partners. However, most, if not all, of those women fall into the five categories listed below. This is a scale from 1 (lowest) to 5 (highest), and it looks something like this:

*Feel free to add your inputs and opinions along with some hateful comments, as I’m sure many of you ladies reading this will have a lot to say*

#1. The one that tries too much (aka The Disaster)

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This girl has the potential to become The Pornstar (#5), but she has yet to watch enough porn. Because she tries so hard, she moves out of sync, is sloppy, and does a good job at taking your attention off the sex aspect and more on the “WTF is she doing” aspect. She has the highest percentage of male genitalia injury, breaks condoms, helps you lose your boner and gives you a genuinely bad sexual experience.

Chicks that fall into this category are inexperienced and believe that a man’s penis is made out of a rubber that has no pain receptors. If they have been drinking, they will also fall into this category. That’s just one more reason to avoid “taking advantage” of inebriated women.

#2. The one that’s scared (aka The Virgin)

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This girl doesn’t necessarily have to be a virgin because she can still act the part many years after she’s popped that priceless cherry. She will usually look at you with fear in her eyes, as if she has no idea about what’s going to happen.

She gently pushes you away as if she’s not ready for the event, and when it does happen, she continues to act like it’s the first time. She usually sits in some extremely awkward positions that make you want to give up and just go missionary. This girl will eventually bust your nut but she’ll surely leave you with a sense of disappointment and/or guilt.

#3. The one that doesn’t move (aka The Starfish or The Doll)

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The girl doesn’t know, doesn’t care or doesn’t like to do anything. As sad as that may seem, at least she doesn’t do anything that disrupts the actual lovemaking. Because of that, she will probably have many more orgasms than #1 and #2 simply because she lets the man do his thing. This is particularly true if the dude lives to please, in which case, she’ll have a fantastic time.

But what about the guy? While The Doll may suit the needs of many men, the ones that have sex more than a few times a year would probably like to see more. However, the overall sexual experience might be average, but it’s quite acceptable for most of us.

This type of woman is by far the most common, at least around the age of 25 and really does go beyond the belief that all a woman has to do in bed is get naked and say YES.

#4. The one that does something (aka The Girlfriend)

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This chick has had at least one somewhat serious relationship in her life, where she witnessed that, indeed, a man does want more than a starfish. While she may be incredibly experienced in the art of lovemaking, she does go that little bit extra – enough to put a smile on our faces.

All girls can and will eventually become this girl, as long as they end up in a relationship with a dude that asks for it.

#5. The one that knows (aka The Pornstar)

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This is the girl that knows what she’s doing. I don’t know if it’s the porn she watches, the amount of sex she’s had or what it is, but you know it when you see it. This is the girl dudes leave their wives for. This is the girl that was born to have sex, and she knows it.

If you manage to land such a slampiece, you’re one lucky bastard. Although you may constantly have the “feeling” that she’s either cheating on you, or there’s something about her past you don’t quite want to know, this girl is still going to blow your mind. She’s the type of girl you’ll give up crack for.

Note: With age, also comes experience. Generally, women below 25 don’t have a clue about what they want in a sexual partner; let alone what to do with one. Women over 25 start to have a good idea about what they want and start to make an effort towards finding their partners. Only after 30 do most women become “sexually liberated” and will be able to provide you with high quality sex. Of course, there are exceptions, but this is generally true. Finally, if we were going through this scale purely by age, EXCLUDING all exceptions, it would look like this:

Under 25: The Disaster, The Virgin, The Doll – very rare chance of finding The Pornstar

Over 25: The Doll, The Girlfriend – will sometimes find The Pornstar

Over 30: The Girlfriend, The Pornstar – your wife might already be The Pornstar

But what about looks? Would this scale be any different based on how a girl looks? Of course it will, and that’s what we’ll cover in next week’s article.

(via Elite Daily)

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