What Am I Doing?

What am I doing? A question I ask myself daily now. I question everything I do and everything I put up with and all my decisions I make. The uncertainty of not knowing if you’re doing the right thing constantly is tiresome. It wears you down and makes you feel unappreciated and broken down. It’s not fun feeling a knot in your throat and a pit in your stomach as soon as you open your eyes. How do you break away from that? How do you regain confidence in yourself again? I know there’s no easy answer or way to do it. Some would argue that you just make the choice to do it and that’s that. Seems easy enough. But God it’s so difficult. Some things you just can’t let go off no matter how hard you try. No matter how damaging it is to you. They’re just there. So what am I doing? Why do I do the things I do? Why do I struggle to make the changes I know deep down I have to make. It should be pretty common sense to get rid of the things that make you feel that way right? Sure, it might take you out of your comfort zone and nothing is certain. I’m just so tired though, I don’t want to be unhappy or feel sadness anymore. I just want it to go away. I’m tired. Everything I’ve done feels like such a sham. They say positive thoughts bring positive things your way…ha. Sure it does. Life is a house of cards, one bad gust or move and it all comes tumbling down. I’ve tried rebuilding that house of cards so many times already and I’ll keep doing it but…I’m tired.


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